Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
