Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
