tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize