I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
