She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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