Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
