What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
