And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
