last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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