his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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