Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
