we have pet lesbian snakes
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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