I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
