in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
