I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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