The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
