think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
