I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
