Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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