He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
