You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
barbara walters just said penis...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize