he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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