i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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