I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
