We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
