yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
