I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
