you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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