So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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