Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
