My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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