What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
