you would pick up someone in the library
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize