you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
