Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
