then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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