Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
