im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
