it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
