i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
