Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
