just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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