If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
