Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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