it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
