You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
