i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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