that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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