my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
