Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
