oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
