Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
