New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
