Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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