Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
