i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize