Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
