i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My feet surprised me
Randomize
