Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
