I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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