He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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