Are we in a gay sports bar?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize