he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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