Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
