Im at strip club and am horny
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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