the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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