and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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