3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
