when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
