I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize