After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
well you can't waste a boner
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
