I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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