Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were trust falling into bushes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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