it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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