hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
