Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
