right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
