Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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