so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
