you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
