WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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