a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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