i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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