i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
