When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
