Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
