Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize